Focus on getting to know/appreciate your baby as a person and personality. It’s fun and amazing to see how my children have grown up through the years though looking back much of their personalities were already there from day 1. I think it’s natural to want to “mold” our children especially since we need to protect and teach them when they’re young and vulnerable. But that tendency to mold often brings unnecessary tension if we as parents overfit our expectations to who our children are actually meant to be.
Looking back, I would have wanted to spend less energy wanting them to do things in certain ways but that’s also part of my own personality/journey. Rather, continuously discover and appreciate who your child is from the start and seek to empower their uniqueness and passion.
Your child will enter this world knowing who they are. It is our job as parents to allow them the space to flourish. It's easy to decide who we THINK they are, based on what we want for them.
Read books about parenting, at least 3~5. It is a very divisive topic with little science behind it (as much as "how to build a good society?"). You want to have a good general culture of which strategies and techniques exist, so you have a repertoire to pick from when confronted to the new situations.
Be very open to help of all kinds in the first 3 months. While you and your partner may want to be there and do it all for your little one, your partner will be recovering and you will both be sleep-deprived, making it more difficult for you to be fully present for your child and each other as a result. If you have family who want to, or if you can afford help in the first 3 months, it's absolutely worth getting a few extra hours of sleep and more quality time with your child and partner.
As a father, you may feel like you aren't able to contribute much in the early months. So much of the responsibility will fall on your partner. Be aware and acknowledge if you start to feel guilt, but don't let it negatively impact your mindset and actions. Your partner will appreciate everything you can do to support them and your child, even if it feels to you like it's not nearly enough.
While I didn't experience this, a few father friends had cautioned me that they weren't able to bond immediately with their child and felt down. But it happens to many, and after a few months a spark grew for them, so don't be overly worried if it happens.
Congratulations! Fatherhood has been an incredibly rewarding experience for this father of a 2-year old girl, and I wish the same for you!
Focus on getting to know/appreciate your baby as a person and personality. It’s fun and amazing to see how my children have grown up through the years though looking back much of their personalities were already there from day 1. I think it’s natural to want to “mold” our children especially since we need to protect and teach them when they’re young and vulnerable. But that tendency to mold often brings unnecessary tension if we as parents overfit our expectations to who our children are actually meant to be.
Looking back, I would have wanted to spend less energy wanting them to do things in certain ways but that’s also part of my own personality/journey. Rather, continuously discover and appreciate who your child is from the start and seek to empower their uniqueness and passion.
Love this! A corollary I’m getting from this is to let them teach me new ways of being.
Your child will enter this world knowing who they are. It is our job as parents to allow them the space to flourish. It's easy to decide who we THINK they are, based on what we want for them.
Yeah, there will definitely be a level of surrender to how they’re being in the world — thanks!
Read books about parenting, at least 3~5. It is a very divisive topic with little science behind it (as much as "how to build a good society?"). You want to have a good general culture of which strategies and techniques exist, so you have a repertoire to pick from when confronted to the new situations.
"You will just know" is a lie.
Thanks Rodrigo — been reading a bunch of books about childbirth, baby sleep, and more. They’ve been super helpful!
I recommend reading ~5 years ahead. So for newborns from 0 to 5 years phase, and then keep studying along.
Be very open to help of all kinds in the first 3 months. While you and your partner may want to be there and do it all for your little one, your partner will be recovering and you will both be sleep-deprived, making it more difficult for you to be fully present for your child and each other as a result. If you have family who want to, or if you can afford help in the first 3 months, it's absolutely worth getting a few extra hours of sleep and more quality time with your child and partner.
As a father, you may feel like you aren't able to contribute much in the early months. So much of the responsibility will fall on your partner. Be aware and acknowledge if you start to feel guilt, but don't let it negatively impact your mindset and actions. Your partner will appreciate everything you can do to support them and your child, even if it feels to you like it's not nearly enough.
While I didn't experience this, a few father friends had cautioned me that they weren't able to bond immediately with their child and felt down. But it happens to many, and after a few months a spark grew for them, so don't be overly worried if it happens.
Congratulations! Fatherhood has been an incredibly rewarding experience for this father of a 2-year old girl, and I wish the same for you!